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 Post subject: The Alchemist's Plight
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:50 am 

Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:47 am
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An alchemist struggles with the monster who is ruining his life


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 2:57 pm 
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Be sure to say hello and introduce yourself in the Welcome Wagon thread in the General Discussion Forum, so we get an idea what or who we are working with.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:13 pm 
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I'm assuming you're looking for an edit. Anything specific you would like me to look at?

Edit:
I took a look over the story. I've included word choice / phrasing / spelling suggestions in the text itself. Beyond these areas I have one central concern with the story.

1. Why not write up the conflict with the hobgoblins?

As it stands the story's conflict is between the main character's two halves. The half who is the focus in the story is, I'll put it gently, not a character that is easy to care about. He's a great pick for an antihero, but if that is what you are going for shifting the conflict initially to the battle with the hobgoblins would go a long way in grabbing your reader.


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Last edited by chado on Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:30 pm 

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Not particularly. I just thought it was a fun story and people might enjoy it. Thanks for asking.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:33 pm 
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doctorb wrote:
Not particularly. I just thought it was a fun story and people might enjoy it. Thanks for asking.


And it is a fun story, but I want more. More I say! :-)


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:52 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 5:44 am
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Location: Winnipeg, Canada
This little story made me smile. I could see the makings of a recurring character here... It's got a nice little twist.

Did you submit it for Wayfinder 9?

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:55 pm 

Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:47 am
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I have not. What is that?


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:03 pm 
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Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Dang! That's a shame. This issue's theme was the Darklands and this story could have fit right in. Unfortunately the deadline for submissions was March 31.

Wayfinder is the Pathfinder fanzine. It is published twice a year (once in winter as a pdf only edition, and once in summer as a print and pdf edition for PaizoCon). It is another place that many Chronicler authors get their works published. Check out the free downloads of back issues here.

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Laura Bowlby (Sheppard)
Pathfinder Chronicler Anthology Editor-in-Chief and contest judge (2013/2014)


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:29 pm 
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Now you are getting me curious. Hmm, we will talk about this...


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:19 pm 
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Did you want this to appear on the web page? After 3 edits I'm sure the management will add it to the main site.

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Robert Gresham has been published six times in Wayfinder Magazine, twice for PFC, and a half-dozen times for Yahoo! He is the founder of Wayward Rogues Publishing, and was a guest editor on Rite Publishing's Coliseum Morpheuon fiction anthology.


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